Shiloh’s Top 7 Best Reasons To Be A Writer:
1. “Research” is a valid excuse for EVERYTHING.
How many ways can you dispose of a body? It’s for research. What is the mating cycle of the North American Jackrabbit? It’s for research. Are there any BDSM clubs within walking distance of location X? No, really, it’s just for story research. Which route is best to smuggle cocaine from Mexico? Quit looking at me like that, I’m writing a book! Is it possible to overdose on Mac n Cheese? It’s for…okay, maybe that one isn’t for the book. **shifty eyes**
2. It’s not called “stalking” it’s “observation”.
This is where you get to loiter around public areas in your sunglasses and get your Sherlock Holmes on without coming on like a bona fide creeper. Bring a notebook, buy yourself a latte, and put on Steve Irwin’s narrating voice as you observe the migration patterns, social dances, and mating calls of your fellow unobservant human beings. Just, whatever you do, don’t try to wrestle that hot dude with the dimples into submission in the name of habitat relocation. Unless he totally consents to that.
3. It’s OK to hear voices.
What? No, I don’t need any medication. Those are just my characters, not any separate factions of my own identity. Yeah, sure, some of them are violent, but only to each other! Of course they aren’t telling me what to do, I only looked up ‘disposing of bodies at pig farms’ for research. Now excuse me, I have three murders and an epic car chase through London to plan.
4. Spacing out is legitimately work related.
Do it at any other job and you’re accused of laziness. Do it when you’re writing and it’s “part of the process”. Stare out the window. Stare at the wall. Stare at the TV. Stare at the line of shirtless, sweaty men practicing lacrosse out in the soccer field. Just don’t do it while driving, you could crash and end up hurting your fingers, and then how would you type?
5. It’s not “hoarding” it’s “collecting”.
Nope, you don’t have to feel guilty at all when you bring home yet another full sack of paperbacks from Barnes & Noble. You’re a writer, you’re supposed to have your very own library. And, okay, sure, it would be kind of sad if you accidentally triggered a domino effect and your book stacks fell and crushed you to death, but hey, it’s poetic, right?
6. Social interaction not needed.
Other people breathe your air and sometimes inhabit the same building, what more interaction is strictly needed? Besides, you have a Tumblr. And characters inside your head. Between the two, and all their quirks and mental deficiencies, there’s enough interaction going on to fuel more than a handful of novels and series, and could also, possibly, bring you an income. So that dinner party would cost you that future paycheck. Think of the children. The future hypothetical children depending on that future hypothetical paycheck. On a completely unrelated note, I happen to be an introvert.
7. We are Gods (*insert maniacal laughter here) (*dramatic thunderclap)
No, seriously. We are gods. We get to create people and cities and planets and entire solar systems from the squishy gray bits between our ears. We get to lay down floods and angst and chance meetings between zombies and future zombie killers and set up steamy love affairs between sexy super villain geniuses and their sentient cactus soul mates. Whatever we can dream, we can create. No limits, no boundaries. All other mortals should really just bow down and be in awe of our creativity. ‘Cause we’re just freaking amazing.
So, those are the top best reasons I can think of that explains why being a writer is AWESOME. My reasons may not be your reasons, though, so if you have any others give me a shout out. There’s never a limit to how much awesome you can add to a profession.
©Shiloh Ohmes 2013