Writer Problems, Project Management, Cake, and Strippers

So I was supposed to post this on Sunday but I kind of forgot.  In my defense I was working on writing stuff.  I’m nearing at the 40% completion line on revision for my Undertaker book, so *dances*.   That percentage will probably jump up this week seeing as it’s slow at work and my boss is at another store.  With nothing else to fill the hours once the customers are checked out and the other tasks are done, I can break out my laptop and work on my stuff, which is awesome.

I’ve also been trying to consolidate my writing projects and blogging into some kind of schedule so I can create a better timetable to finish things, but that is still a work in progress.  I work full time but the job is pretty flexible during this time of the year, so I can usually work a bit from there and then have Saturday and Sunday off.  I’m just having trouble putting everything else besides Undertaker into some kind of an order, and then turning my attention to the blog and website plans.

Got any tips or advice for me?  Please leave it in the comments and I will buy you the biggest cake and stuff it full of strippers and rainbows for you.

Okay, well, I won’t get you a cake like that.  I’m poor as hell. If I had the money for strippers and gigantic pastries I’d be having cake for breakfast and live Magic Mike performances in my living room.  So hows about my virtual undying love and adoration?  I can do that in SPADES.

Also, here’s a rainbow:

Rainbow, you are drunk.  Go home.
Rainbow, you are drunk. Go home.

Okay, so now that that’s outta the way, here I present to you a short list of Writer Problems.  It is by no means complete, so also feel free to add your own problems, pet peeves, and observations below.

 

Writer’s Problems, A List

  • Sexting is a turnoff unless grammatically correct.
  • That one character that appears halfway through the book and renders three others useless.
  • Tumbr.  Facebook.  <insert your social media procrastination hub of choice>
  • Netflix.
  • Fandom.
  • The sensation of slowly sinking into a vat of putrid ickyness as you realize you’ve written yourself into a soul sucking, booby trapped corner that not even Vikings wielding chainsaws and riding on unicorns can fix.
  • Microsoft Word.  (Scrivener all the way, baby!)
  • Misplacing the Special Pen.  No matter that you have an entire collection, that one was SPECIAL.  And wrote UNIQUELY.
  • Interruption during a brainstorm:

“Miss, can you help me-“

“Oh my God, can you not see I’m busy figuring out how to smuggle psychic teenagers into Canada?”

“…”  *slowly backs away*

  • Family gatherings.  <insert your horror story here>
  • When someone is sitting in your designated spot at the coffee shop and all that’s left are the less than awesome spaces.
  • “Ur”  Bitch, unless you’re talking about the ancient city, that’s spelled Y-O-U-R.
  • Wikipedia is the black hole of the internet, because “just a little research” turns into nine hours later and a complete understanding of the Hun Empire, the history of bagels, and the evolution of Polka.
  • There is no way to search for an answer to some particular questions without seeing a lot of photos of things I don’t want to see.
  • Killing your favorite character.
  • By contrast, killing too many of your favorite characters and liking it.  (I’m looking at you Mr. Martin, AKA Evil Santa)
  • Editing.
  • Revision.
  • Shared computers.  Not just because your time is limited, but because there will be awkward questions if you don’t clear your search history.
  • No, I’m not pregnant.  I have characters to name.
  • No, I’m not planning a murder.
  • But if you try to read over my shoulder again I will be.
  • No, I’m not a terrorist.  This really is just for writing.
  • Life outside the story, which is not what most people term ‘real life’.  Fuck you, ‘real life’ happens inside my head all the time.  Just because you aren’t powerful enough to become the god of an internal multi-verse doesn’t mean I have to give up my throne or laptop.

 

Cheers!

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